The Wanting of You Here

no, the answer is not simple.

I don’t want you to know that. It’s never that easy, is it?

Yes, the answer is simple. I want you here.

You beg to differ. I swallow pride and try to incorporate time but still I am on the losing side. You cannot keep me and cast me into an abyss of things you willingly dismiss because life is life, and you think deadlines are meant to be forgotten and missed, but is there even enough of us for this?

We don’t know the half of happy, sad; measurements make me mad. I am enraged with the pain of missing — everything that tasted like the thought of — just that. the thought of. nothing more. I am at ease with the same letters, words, you utter. But you, you tug and pull and make a mess with my sentences. you empty my mind, you take up space I don’t mind being gone, you shake up loose ends looking for a way in to my head — and once you’re in I feel you scour hours on end. night falls and you always seem to find what you’re looking for.

You hand me your mind, and ask me to take what’s mine. instead I let it rest under spoken word, and golden hour. I soak it in lavender to heal the wounds of your mother before you existed, the earth was bound by the sun so I talk with the moonlight, and make friends with her. I’d do anything for you, but you can’t find a clue deep enough to seep into that wound.

that’s why im kind, and when i enter your mind i leave things in their place, and only make room for one more grace, keep my trace, but on my way out I still make a mess, how does that make sense? —that on my way out I find a lost prayer you prayed, god’s will to help you keep us alive. a prayer request from the dead nights you thought we were fine. Here, in your mind I have found, you live to love things that never get watered. you never wanted to keep me ever; but i wanted you here.

a simple forever.

thank you all for reading! will post more soon. follow @taintedsun on instagram if you’d like to read more of my thoughts & reflections.

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