Losing Wyler

Hold your loved ones close…

Facing into a mother’s darkest fears

With my three-year-old son resting on my hip, I push open the thick wooden door leading into our favourite book store. My purse slips from my shoulder and I grab at the straps as my son wiggles and struggles to get down. Resembling a performer juggling cats, I relent and put him on the ground.

“Wyler — stay with mommy,” I say as his eyes widen and his feet start moving. I reach down and firmly hold his hand.

His freedom may have been restricted but that doesn’t slow his feet. Using every one of his 38 pounds, he tries to pull me farther into the store toward an enormous 15-foot vibrant, green, pine tree erected in the center of the aisle. Brightly coloured bulbs, garland and ribbon adorn every branch. Hundreds of white lights illuminate the tree giving off a luminous glow.

After inspecting the bottom three feet of the tree, touching every package wrapped in shiny wrapping paper and tugging on ribbons of every colour, my son pulls hard on my hand and directs us to the back of the store.

His feet moving so fast he catches the back of his leg with his opposite shoe and stumbles forward. I hold tight and pull up gently on his hand until he gets his feet under himself. Without pause, he hurries on.

A fluorescent light crackles and buzzes above my head. I longingly look around as we pass through the store straight to the children’s section. Inhaling, I search for the familiar smell of paper and ink but instead detect cinnamon emanating from rows of giant candles. They are followed by beautiful arrangements of pillows, cups, serving trays and jewellery. Why did book stores start selling home decor?

We reach the back of the store and climb three steps into an array of colours and sounds. Children’s books line each shelf building from baby board books to pre-teen novels. Toys purposefully placed at the end of every aisle and splayed around the perimeter of the section illustrate the increased demand for one-stop-shopping. Shopkins collections of all sizes, Paw Patrol character sets complete with vehicles, and Disney Frozen Sing-a-long Elsa all clamouring for attention.

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