The defining age of 25

Just before starting to write this, I was roaming on my terrace regretting the mistakes I did regarding my career choices and relationships. Then suddenly with a fresh blow of air I realised, do I really regret all of that?

As I am reaching towards the defining age of 25 where everyone expects a person to get matured up, have a partner ready for marriage, know what to do in career etc., I am realising that what a fake and illogical bar is this and why is that the case? I mean ok, people used to marry earlier, settle earlier, but even today’s most viewed blog websites maintained by a much younger generation writes about immature things like “milestones every 25-year old must have achieved”. Before I judge them more, I guess the articles like that rely upon the much-nuanced forms of “milestones” or “maturity”. Let’s talk about it w.r.t three broad areas of life

Of course, it makes sense to prioritise career over anything but in the initial stages of life, you really don’t wanna miss feels of first innocent relationship, the cliched exchanges, the fun and not-so-fun outings, and much more. There is a trade-off that people play according to their own will and choices but I am very glad that I went out whenever I felt like it and did not go out whenever I didn’t. If I wouldn't have gone for the things that I did, I would have missed some real gem moments, If I would have gone for things that I didn’t, I am damn sure I won’t be at a good stage in my career. Think for yourself, the great memories that you have and the choices that you made towards the career improvement that landed you at a place many people literally dream of. At the same time, I made some choices for exploration and those were not aligned with what I wanted to become eventually. But on the positive side of it, I was able to see a brand new perspective of what I was doing earlier, what I should have been doing, and where I will be moving further. Changing and exploring career tracks does this one good thing of opening yourself from a box filled with people having similar mindsets. While that’s not a bad thing, talking and getting exposed to people working in different career tracks, doing different kinds of cool stuff really helps in bringing you more closer to what you would like to do. I wanted to become a software engineer, then a tech-lead and then open a startup. Now, I just wanna open a startup (more closer to what I eventually wanted to do). Isn’t this some sort of career-centric maturity?

This is the part that I will accept that I fucked up the most. It’s always advised to identify red flags earlier and quit bad relationships earlier but I don’t feel I was in a bad relationship anytime. I just feel the relationships tried taking my individuality and priorities far far away from me. I tried hard to keep up with the guys (because they were awesome men) but I myself ended up feeling toxic, dissatisfied, and negative. If I wouldn’t have committed myself to the relationships, I would have never been able to estimate the number of efforts I put, the perfection I passionately deliver, and the vulnerable I become without any fear. The harder I gave, the better those men understood me, the more they respected and loved. I know how to win heart, make the day, and sparkle a moment. But at the same time, since the men I have dated had their own ways of doing certain things, I realised that I should also set some standards regarding what I want, what I can handle, and what I won’t tolerate at any cost. This will significantly help me from falling into any relationships that will leave me broken. So I appreciate the relationship experiences instead of regretting them. Isn’t this some sort of relationship-centric maturity?

Ahh, this one thing can make or break you as a whole. Families are tricky to handle as sometimes it can be very easy to be with them, talk to them, and have fun with them but on some occasions the house can be filled with shouts, and fights, and chaos. I love my mom dad of course, very much! but there is this sudden guilt that comes to me on whether I am taking good care of them, whether I talked properly, whether I did their work properly etc., and this creates baggage. Baggage of me not being the perfect ideal sanskari child and the baggage that I have to become that. But I don’t! We all are managing things the best way we can, we are still new to our careers, we had very bad relationship days, and we don’t sit in front of parents all the time with our problems. Can’t we just appreciate this and remove that baggage? At this age, we are really at the peak of most of our crucial life lessons, and to expect everything from ourselves does not make sense. We will handle things when it will be required to handle them, before that neither we have the energy nor it is required that badly. Family-based maturity automatically comes with time to different individuals based on their situation. There is no need to have any guilt, or be afraid, or carry any baggage.

So cheers to all those who are gonna turn 25 (or have turned 25) for managing themselves and the things so wonderfully but at the same time still having the burning desire and the courage to explore, experience, perform well at their jobs, and be good to their closed ones. You really have become a great adult, unknowingly and subconsciously.

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