Sexual Abuse and Victim Blaming Culture

April is Sexual Assault & Abuse Awareness Month. As a childhood sexual abuse survivor, I am committed to helping those who have been victimized. Part of this commitment is fostering awareness and education.

During the month of April, I will publish one blog post each week spotlighting an aspect of sexual abuse and assault recovery that is important to me personally.

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I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I have only said this out loud since 2016.

I am 48 years old. I have been in counseling off and on since the age of 17, and I have been with my current counselor for the last sixteen years.

I struggled for years to say out loud, “I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.”

Why? “The Flinch.”

Every time I say this out loud to someone in the course of conversation, the response is always a mental — and sometimes physical — flinch. I can see the brain of the other person recoil in disgust.

It is difficult for me to not take that disgust personally, especially since in our culture we are fond of holding victims responsible for the horrible abuse that they have suffered at the hands of another person, whether a family member or stranger. Foundational to our way of life is the cultural and personal psychology of victim shaming, the absolute refusal on all levels to hold perpetrators responsible for their actions.

Take for a moment our language. In cases of sexual assault, onlookers will claim that “she was asking for it” and blame her hairstyle or makeup or clothing or claim that she had been drinking. With domestic violence, we passively point out that, “Mary was beaten” instead of “John beat Mary up.” We ask, “Why don’t you leave?” We are asking the wrong question. We should be asking, “Why won’t the abuser stop abusive behaviors?

And in my particular case, family members will simply call you a liar and refuse to believe that the abuse happened at all.

Why do we participate in victim shaming in our culture? Why do we refuse to hold perpetrators responsible?

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