My Medication Journey with Abilify as an Anxious Person

My doctor started me on the medication Abilify in the spring of 2019 after I was experiencing major depression all winter long. I was skeptical about starting another SSRI medication since I had such poor responses to them in the past but I trusted my doctor and decided to give it a try.

The results were incredible. I felt the cloud over my head lifted and I suddenly felt much more drive and excitement for my life.

As soon as I started Abilify, I had the inspiration to create a journal for tracking my mental health. Within a month, I had a physical copy in my hand. It took lots of hard work and patience as I had no idea how to go about self-publishing my own journal but I watched a lot of tutorials and plugged away at turning this dream into a reality. And sure enough, I did.

I have to give Abilify some credit for this. I am a naturally driven person but the medication flipped a switch on for me and I found I had become more productive than I ever have in my life. My body has had the best response to Abilify than any other medication I have ever tried.

However, there have been some downsides. I haven’t meditated in almost a year when I used to frequently. I used to do yoga daily but I stopped and have barely been able to go back. I have a hard time slowing down since starting Abilify. I get frustrated as soon as I get on the yoga mat and almost walked out of a yoga class because of the frustration of feeling like I can’t slow down. The relaxed pace gives me anxiety instead of calming me down like it used to.

Even as I write this article it’s my one day a week I have off but I can’t seem to shut off the productivity switch and have not been able to for almost a year. I have accomplished a lot since starting the medication, so as I am beginning the tapering process I worry about what I might lose. Will I still have the same drive to work on new projects? Will I still have ideas streaming into my mind first thing when I wake up? How much of these ideas are organically mine and how much are the result of the medication working through me?

Medication for mental health is an interesting thing. It can be hard to tell if what you are experiencing is coming from you or if the medication has you feeling like a puppet on a string. I guess the only way we can know is to try and tune into our bodies and keep a record of our experiences. To trust our intuition when it is hinting to us that maybe something isn’t right.

I don’t think Abilify and other similar medications are a bad thing I am just reaching a point where it’s time to ask myself, is this best for my overall well-being? Is this how I truly want to be living my life? To me, taking it slow is just as important (if not more important) than being productive. I will begin to taper off of Abilify soon and am curious to see how my body reacts. To see if I will be able to regain a healthy balance of work, rest and play in my life.

A few things that do help me calm down are tea and drinking cacao as well as aligning my schedule with what my body wants. I find I am most productive first thing in the morning so I often try to do my writing and get work done in the morning so I have a better chance of being able to relax later in the day.

Medication is a journey on its own that requires patience but also nudges us to look at our life from the bigger picture of how we really want our life to be. If you are struggling, just know that you are not alone. Medication has its ups and downs and there may never be one perfect fit out there for everyone. But there can be pro’s and con’s to different medications with things we can capitalize upon and things we can take note of that need adjusting. But remember always work with a doctor when it comes to any kind of medication.

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