Heartbreak Hindsight

What I learned from a very toxic relationship.

Warning! This is about to get personal, but I’m ready to get up close and real with you. I’ve recently decided to start journaling again as a form of therapy. To my surprise, when I cracked open what I thought was an unused notebook, I came across an entry from a few years back. Turns out, when I was experiencing a very heavy heart and didn’t feel ready to talk about it, I wrote about it.

I’m sure the majority of you reading this have had your heart broken once or twice and can relate to feelings of uncertainty between you and your partner when times get tough. However, what I realized from looking back at this moment is you don’t know until you know. Even if you suspect that things aren’t right, you’re not ready until you’re ready.

The most alarming thing about this entry is we did not break up for another year and a half after it was written, and the sad thing is, things did not improve. They only got worse.

It’s only now that I am far away from these emotions that I feel like I’m finally ready to share them and shed some light on the invaluable lessons I have learned.

Journal Entry — Unraveling

Have you ever given so much of yourself that you begin to lose touch with who you are? I have. Not intentionally, but slowly and gradually. Love is a tricky thing, especially for a girl. As women, we feel the need to give and nurture. We sacrifice to see our loved one content and happy and when our partners are upset or unhappy, we overcompensate.

But what happens when you’ve given so much without realizing your happiness has started to slip away? What happens when you realize they’ve taken everything you’ve given, but haven’t given anything in return? And still you continue to give until your happiness is stolen away and all that is left is sadness in your heart and a painful hopefulness that things will get better. If you give everything away, they won’t. They’ll only get worse.

I’m beginning to think I’ll just continue to get my heart broken until I meet someone who…

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