Que es un ataque de Ansiedad y Como Controlarlo

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Finding Your Way Home

by Lyn Hartman

As a wife and mother, I’ve always felt the responsibility to make our house feel like a home. Intuitively I knew it was more than plush rugs, soft cushions, and comfy sofas you can just fall into. It was more than the space you had and the things that filled the space. It was about how the people in the space felt.

We all want our guests to feel “at home” when they visit and we want our family to feel that the home is the place they always want to return to, their refuge.

The thing about “home” is that it is often associated with a “place” that gives you that “warm and fuzzy” feeling and all the good feels when you arrive there.

I love our house and the home we have created. It is beautiful, comfortable, and welcoming. It is warm and spacious and invites people to feel that they can put their feet up and get cozy. It is very much “home”.

But years ago that idea of “home” was only an illusion. Back then our battle with mental health was full of challenge and struggle as we were not able to connect with our son where he was in his journey. Things were so hard because I felt I didn’t know how to manage through the storm. Back then I had little understanding of how to show up and support myself with grace and compassion.

The very same house had started to feel like a prison. The walls would feel like they were closing in and there was a coldness and a hollowness in every room.

There was a foreboding energy in the house that was palpable. It was so thick you could cut it with a knife and so heavy you felt you would drown under its weight. Yet with every tentative step, you would hold your breath as you felt you were walking on egg shells.

There was no refuge at home. I would leave to find refuge in a yoga class or go to the lake or meet my girlfriend for the longest coffee I could muster.

There were so many times I wanted to run and escape the suffering that was eating away at my soul. I felt consumed by hopelessness and trapped by terror and a deep ache in my heart.

There was no refuge for a long time.

Then a couple years later I took my son out West for a month, we left our house and the rest of the family. We left home.

The night we landed in Vancouver, we arrived at the two-bedroom condo we were renting for the month. It was small, but well-appointed and ultimately exactly what we needed, positioned exactly where we were supposed to be.

I can recall the way my entire being softened once we walked in. It was like a full body exhale.

I kept wondering how a place so small and unfamiliar, so different and so far away from what I know, could feel like “home”.

The next morning, we had to get familiar with our new neighbourhood and get our bearings, but I already felt very comfortable. We walked to the beach, and I kept thinking how great it was to be so close to water, to have the Pacific Ocean at your doorstep and the majestic mountains in your view each day. This place, this energy — it exuded a feeling like “home”.

It was clear to me that Vancouver was where I felt that “home” feeling. I was a little worried about what that meant for my return.

What were the implications of being in a place thousands of miles away from my people and where my roots are and feeling that sense of belonging like I had come “home”?

What would I be going back to then?

It was weeks later after my return when I was journaling that I was able to decipher what I now understand about finding “home”.

I recalled the way that I felt when I was sitting on Kits Beach every morning, watching the water, listening to the gentle crashing of the waves, meditating, and taking in the sometimes-briny air and the always fresh kiss of the mountains.

It was such a powerful connection that I could conjure up all of that and I transport myself back there.

I was feeling that this was the place I needed to be. It was there that I felt most comfortable and most at peace and connected to myself and who I was.

It was back there on that beach and it was looking up at the mountains and watching the sunrise where I felt home.

As those things landed in my body while my words were pouring out, there was an energy that started to rise from deep down in my belly. I could feel it spread and move and fill all the empty space and the cracks with a light that came from within me. I was feeling warm and comfortable and at ease with a knowing that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

There it was…that feeling of “home”. I felt it in my pores and I wasn’t sitting on Kits Beach, I was journalling in a random coffee shop back on local soil.

It became crystal clear in that moment.

Home was not a landscape, a place, a building or a structure that felt a certain way with the right amount of Zen and close to the water or the mountains.

Home was a place that lived within my own being when I felt that all was right in my soul.

Of course, the draw of the water and the connection to Source that the mountains inspired gave me a feeling like “home” because that connects me to nature and to the elements of the universe. I feel that sense of peace and ease and allow myself to be present, to nurture my spirit with the things that call to my soul.

I realized as I worked to find my own inner peace in the midst of the challenges and the struggle in my daily lived experience, I was drawing a map and carving a pathway I could follow. It didn’t matter where I was, I knew how to return to this place of refuge.

When I meditated and practiced and prayed and journaled I was connecting to myself and returning to that place of enduring and evolving and all the possibilities of joy.

Home was always about what was within me, not about what was around me or the place that held all my belongings and where I lived.

Home is a place within my own being that I arrive at when I do the work of self-inquiry and show up in Radical Acceptance of myself. When I am good with me even when things around me might be in crisis, I can find my way back to that place I always want to return to.

Home is the coming back to self, connecting to Source, finding refuge, rest and restoration.

Create your own path to home and cultivate habits that keep you aligned to that place within.

Get to know the way so well that when things come up and the ground beneath shakes you to your core, you will not be derailed and you will be able to move forward and through.

As you continue in your yoga practice and you cultivate mindfulness and habits that feed your spirit and nurture your soul, you are heading “home”.

As you create your path to stillness, and you invite that present moment awareness you will begin to hear the voice of your heart and the voice of your intuition.

You will hear the voice of God, Source and the Universe. And it’s no coincidence that the vibration of the Universe sounds like Om.

Keep the path clear and the light within will guide you hOme even when the world around you is crumbling, you were always headed there.

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Que es un ataque de Ansiedad y Como Controlarlo

Finding Your Way Home

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