how to feel the feels

even when it scares the absolute sh*t out of you

Do you think this time will be different, she asked?

Perhaps, he said, with a glance at the clock…

That’s my cue, she said and she took leave of him.

Have you even been in this situation?
That you really really wanted to put yourself out there this time (and maybe even against your better judgment)?
Following your heart fearlessly and not allowing anything to deter you from that path?

And feeling foolish when it doesn’t?

DON’T.

You want to know why?

Because this was defo not your person.

Be grateful for the opportunity to feel safe enough to try out your new behavior. That you are free enough to be who you are and stand up for yourself as the person you want to be in the world.

There are a million reasons why things don’t work out. Timing is a biggie. But more importantly: how conscious are YOU of your body and your emotions?

All of your attempts to connect balance delicately on the precipice:
are you actually in touch with your own feelings?

Usually I try to explain this to clients by reminiscing about a situation in which they experienced intense emotions. This is often easier as it is more palpable to recall a more extreme situation and imagine how it felt in the body.

Maybe you are thinking: angry? But the sensations accompanied by a feeling of (falling in) love with someone may be easier to evoke, as we tend to prefer to focus on the more ecstatic experiences in life. It can be easy to recall a first meeting, a lingering look, a first kiss. Being excited about seeing someone, being nearby them and smelling their delicious aroma wafting under your nose and getting to know them. Light, euphoric, joyful feelings: butterflies in your stomach, a warm feeling when you see them, especially unexpectedly, and just a general happiness for having met them.

Because any and all feelings which may be trapped in our bodies due to our experiences may be preventing us from feeling the feels.

And we may not even realize it.

This means: awareness of all aspects of our body, including that which we cannot necessarily see or feel on a conscious level but that which can be activated at any given moment. This internal memory can influence how we respond in the here and now, certainly in a romantic setting.

Ok, so you might be thinking that we have wandered aaaawfully far off-topic. This, however, is not that case. Why not? Because when we are not able to feel what is going on in our own damn bodies, it clouds our judgment when it comes to (attempting to) understand(ing) others.

How so, you ask?

Well: when we are overwhelmed by our own sensory input and not yet capable of interpreting our own (internal) signs and signals, how ON EARTH do you expect to authentically connect with another human being?!?

Think about it this way: imagine that a certain someone asks you a question and you are unable to answer it; especially regarding intimate activities you may or may not partake of together…

If you don’t even know what YOU want, where your lines are, what your preferences are: how do you expect to detect when your boundaries are being crossed?

This might sound exaggerated, but in this day and age, consent is a HUGE subject affecting each and every one of us.

We are all comprised of various memories, dreams, experiences and sometimes these three are simultaneously intersecting. When you add hormones and feelings of love or of such magnitude to which you are not accustomed, it can be easy to go astray. To not speak up. Maybe to avoid expressing your preferences.

So please: get in touch with yourself!

You deserve love and the chance to make someone else feel loved, but it really does start with you. Connect with yourself, ask yourself the hard questions and consider the person you are en route to becoming.

Every little habit matters.

Don’t let anyone else determine how you feel; or let any experience make you bitter. Life is too short (cliché, I know) to not feel YOUR feelings, irrespective of what anyone else around you thinks.

Want to experience deep and long-lasting love? Get back into your body, observe your habits and try something new to get to know yourself better. You might have such deeply engrained habits that you are feeling stuck.

The only way out is the way THROUGH: your own beautiful, lovely body; the vessel for you in this lifetime. Start listening!

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